Grieving

Amidst all the events of the week, sadness and grief, and finding my way through the dark of no useful examples of how to help my children grieve, have been the tallest elements by far. We have made the decision to let the cat rest on Monday, so the weekend has been an odd series of final farewell moments and reminders that so little can be taken for granted. 

Everything else has been difficult to focus on, since this experience, and watching my kids experience this, reminds me of how much grieving I have not yet done, how much I hold at bay, and how much I have no idea how to get started, or how or where to feel safe enough doing so. Realizing this brings up so many things that also need to be processed and examined, and I wish I had the time or presence of mind to write it all down so I had any better idea what I am overdue to be facing, but I am not even ready for that. I’m sure it will all still be there, but feels all the more daunting for deferring. 

Progress on list items continues, though this has not been the week to write about that, so I am glad I have lists down to track progress as it is made. 

For tonight, I’m very glad the actual wind that was howling at us all last week has subsided, as the emotional wind is plenty loud enough.